candor1: (Uwing . proceed with haste . down)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-08 06:56 am (UTC)(link)
Was there an alternative? "Yeah," he said. Not actually sure but stubborn enough to make sure. He'd had to tackle worse, while in worse shape, unaided.

He'd noticed the inhalation and almost wanted to let go of her entirely. He was hurting her somehow. …Of course, for all she'd utterly demolished the gang, they'd probably gotten a few hits in. But she'd chosen to help him, it wasn't his call to what extent she opted in, and he suspected that she was probably stubborn, too, and his resisting that would just be a waste of both of their time.

Still, he tried extra hard to carry more of his own weight the rest of the way and up the staircase.
candor1: (Cadera . escapology . down)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-08 07:23 am (UTC)(link)
The vertigo hit him bad not nearly far enough up the stairs; but it was still better than dragging his crash-landed broken-limbed sorry self across the desert of Sevarcos II. He reminded himself of that with every teeth-gritted inhalation.

Then, thank the Force… He'd normally never intrude, let alone onto someone's bed, without specific invitation, but by the time Liana was finished locking the door, Cassian was already sitting on the edge of the bed, one hand gripping the mattress, the other pressed to his eyes.
candor1: (candid . glow)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-08 07:39 am (UTC)(link)
Cassian was simultaneously parched and afraid that if he tried to ingest anything else, even water, he'd vomit. …But that would be aiding detoxification, wouldn't it…

Gingerly, giving her what he hoped was a grateful look, he took the canteen and drank—just a little, at first, easing into it.

"Are you okay?" he belatedly asked. "I won't be keeping you from your own bed?"
candor1: (Yavin . if you're really doing this)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-09 07:11 am (UTC)(link)
"I don't mind sharing," said Cassian—suspecting he was going to be too out of it shortly to notice either way. "Just don't know how restful a bedfellow I'm going to be… I thrash around sometimes." Not usually while on duty, especially undercover, but he couldn't vouch for how this state was going to affect him.

He covered his mouth, working on keeping the water down, and succeeded. …Again, probably should let himself purge… he just hated it. For future reference: "Which way to the 'fresher?"
candor1: (NiJedha . where are you taking)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-09 08:44 pm (UTC)(link)
"Probably myocaine." An odorless, colorless, and tasteless muscle relaxant[1], favored by barside predators. "Could've been myoplexaril. A downer, whatever it was. Not a soporific." Though he was tired. But probably more from subsequent exertion than from the drug. He hadn't been sleepy when… and they would have wanted him conscious…

"'ve been dosed with it before. Probably just need to sleep it off." And look forward to a hangover and some withdrawal. Still, far from the worst possibility. (He'd take it, situationally at least, over skirtopanol.[2] Plus significantly better now that he was in a less vulnerable situation. Here was better than that bar even if Liana proved not to be what she said.

As for Liana… He wasn't so far gone as not to notice the way she stood and removed her jacket. "You're hurt…"
candor1: (Yavin . if you're really doing this)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-10 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Some well-integrated part of his training allowed him, through his haze, to note her action with the weapons. And mirror her: shrugging out of his jacket and setting the blaster (not his, damn them, the one he'd requisitioned off them) he'd stuck into his belt on the table beside hers. Ah, they'd left him his vibroblade, which he also deposited there.

(Whether he left his smaller, ankle holstered secondary blaster where it was because he was too tired to remember, too queasy to lean over, or because he really couldn't trust that much just yet…

Sort it out when he could think.)

He winced, in perhaps sympathetic pain. Simultaneous with the (pride? don't be ridiculous—) admiration in his eyes and voice when he agreed, "Yeah. You did at that. —But thinking you definitely should rest, too." He set the flask down at last, among the weapons, and swung his legs up onto the mattress—but paused and gestured down at it, to her. "Which side is yours?"
candor1: (Uwing . proceed with haste . down)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-11 03:55 am (UTC)(link)
He managed to nod before sinking backwards onto the pillows. He rolled over to the far side of the bed, so she wouldn't have to walk around before lying down herself. And he kept his back to her—to give her the relative privacy when she did lie down, but also… hard, among people like them, to make a clearer offer of trust.

"Thanks again," he mumbled as his consciousness started to shut down. "Liana. For saving me."

And he was out.
candor1: (Eadu . can't . down)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-11 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
* * *

He was fighting so hard
Whirling and spinning and kicking and punching
Adrenaline pumping hard too
Everything around him not slowed a beat
But every moment sharp and clear
Going so fast he didn't feel in charge of his body at all
Rather trapped inside it watching everything unfold
They fell before and around him and were replaced by others
A blaster was in his hand then a knife then nothing
He shot and stabbed and hit over and over and over again
And then he was looking down at the bodies
And the stormtrooper helmets were all split in two
Behind them:
The dead faces of anyone he'd loved

He'd just killed them



Cassian's limbs jerked and twitched; his breath came hard, punctuated with occasional staccato vocalizations; mostly motionless, still very clear he was caught in and fighting hard against something

until he suddenly screamed aloud, his whole body jerking, and his hand flung out and slammed into the side table.


Edited 2019-09-11 04:51 (UTC)
candor1: (Eadu . i can't . down)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-11 05:28 am (UTC)(link)
Her voice…

The voice in the riot: "He's gone. Come on. Leave it. Leave it. That's it. This way." Her hand taking his, pulling him to his feet from where he'd lain across Jerón's body, and they ran

He turned over—shivering, eyes tightly closed—to face her, his hand blindly (unconsciously?) reaching for her.
candor1: (Yavin . Jyn . down)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-11 06:19 am (UTC)(link)
What's real…?

…but it was what wasn't that reached him at last.

The fake name.

Not Cassian.

Not the little boy with the dead father, not the soldier-assassin destroying everyone around him, not the man with the bad dreams.

This name meant nothing except this moment, this situation… and in it, with him, was…

The tension in his face drained until his eyes finally opened.

"…Liana." —Great. His voice sounded like shit.

His eyes sank down to their joined hands. His mouth opened to say something, but he had no idea what. He closed it again. Maybe he should let her go, pull his own hand back in embarrassment, turn over and pretend…

He did duck his head, close his eyes again… but though his grip on her hand gentled, it didn't let go.

"I'm sorry."
candor1: (Cadera . praying? . down)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-11 06:40 am (UTC)(link)
The bed had started spinning, gently, out from under him. He bent his face to their joint hands, pressing his forehead to the back of hers, trying to anchor himself.

His voice might be overemotional, but he found neutrality in content, at least. "Not detoxed enough, obviously."

What he should do was get up, go to the 'fresher, and make himself throw up, or at least drink some water. But he was too dizzy… and too… … …

You don't know her

… …unwilling to let her go.
candor1: (Cadera . escapology . down)

[personal profile] candor1 2019-09-11 07:04 am (UTC)(link)
He pulled back his face from their hands, put his head back on the pillow, and propped himself up enough to accept the canteen (with his free hand) and drink without all the water winding up on the bed. He set the canteen softly down on the table on his side. (Thinking how foolish, how amateur, he'd left all the weapons on her side… but dispassionate; detached. He didn't actually want anything to do with weapons right not. He wasn't fit to wield one at the moment—however many times in the past he'd had to. But even if he were… she'd done nothing but reinforce the sense of haven… of trust…

…and he wanted…)

"You already have. So much."

Voice sounding better, there. Still overquiet but that was appropriate.

"I don't think I'll be that bad again. If you want to get more sleep.

"I might… if you don't mind…"

Stay facing you? Keep holding your hand? Move a little closer? There must be a middle ground between cowardly understatement and appalling presumption…

He gave up and went for honesty. However creepy. "I might try to match your breathing. Calm mine down."

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A ZILLION YEARS LATER…

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